para sa taong nanakit ng damdamin ko

Pag naalala kong nasaktan mo ko wala akong magawa.nag uunahan ang emosyon na unti unting dumudurog sa 'king kalooban. Di ko alam kung dapat ko pa ba 'tong iiyak?ang katarungan ko,"Bakit?Para san pa?Kung iiyak ako, malalaman ba nya? Kung iiyak ako, kasabay din bang aagos yung dinulot nyang sakit?Kung iiyak ba ko,kinabukasan ba magiging okay na ba ako at di na iiyak ulit?" Pinagtatawanan ko nalang ang aking sarili pag nararamdaman ko na gusto kong umiyak..Napaghihinaan ako ng loob,naawa ako sa sarili ko pag umiiyak ako, kasi itinatak ko na sa sarili ko na hindi na ko iiyak..Hindi ako iiyak.

Hinahabol pa rin ako ng mga ala ala natin. Lalo akong nasasadlak sa kalungkutan. Naibaling ko na sana sa ibang bagay, ngunit pag nakakarinig ako ng tungkol sayo, Hinahatak na naman ang isip ko para isipin at alalahanin ka. Kahit hindi na dapat. Okay na sana ako..Nakakangiti sa ibang dahilan.Nagiging positibo ang pananaw sa kabila ng bigat na nararamdaman..Sa mga panahong ito, alam ko kung paano ka kalimutan,sinisimulan ko nga pero pumapasok ka pa rin sa isip ko, kahit di sinasadya.kung pwede lang sana okupahan ng ibang bagay ang isip ko, na ni pangalan mo'y hndi na marinig, mga alaala sa bawat sandali di na maibalik o di na maalala. Kung pwede lang sana takasn ang mundo na kung saan kabilang ka pa. para naman isang araw, pagising  ko, di na ikaw ang laman ng puso't isip ko.

BLANGKO

Sa bawat araw na nagdaraan..
Tila paghihirap ko'y walang katapusan.
Buong pagkatao'y balot ng kalungkutan.
Lubog sa luhang tila walang pagidlan.

Kaligayahan ko'y kay hirap abutin.
Nangangamba aking puso't damdamin
Dahil limot ng lahat ang aking presensya
Kaya ako ay palaging naiiwang masaya.

Ni walang nakakaalam sa aking suliranin
Pagkat bingi at bulag ang mga taong nakapaligid sa akin
Naisin mang tumakas sa magulo kong mundo
Ngunit paano? Kung pagkatao at isip ko'y blangko.

unknown

I felt something that even myself didn't know why..
I've ended up my days with nothing
Nothing to say, nothing to do..
I dont know why should i exist.
Abandoned..Alone..Neglected..Alone..Rejected..Trash..
But there's someone who knows exactly how i feel?
Is there someone who can understand?
No one else know how it feels when someone turns you down.
No one else know how it sucks to be me right now.
Each place brought me into a place of nowhere.
As i waste every tear everytime i looked forward into the reality that i have nothing.
Too useless to stay, too hard to quit..is there enough reaon for me to hold on?
My mind my was stuck inside my heart..
Wise decisions tears apart..
For i am too deaf to listen, too blind to see..too paranoid to feel..
That there's no other person lonelier than me.

untitled

Its been a while since i found myself that i longing for you.
Im always looking for your presence but i know you'll be okay.
So i'll let you do the things that you really want,
Though your absence kills me slowly
Coz i really need you now so badly.
Our happy moments that we've shared before, would it be just a forgotten memory?
It feels like empty and abandoned.
And it cause too much pain for me.
i have nothing to do, but to wait for you...
Here..
Tonight...

"CONFESSIONS"

One of the reasons why people get so sentimental its because memories are the only thing that don't change while everybody else does. There are things in life that you can't hold on forever, no matter how much you fight for it. Sometimes destiny isn't always good,it becomes playful. When you met someone, you learned to love.You thought it was destiny who made your paths cross. But what if making your paths cross is just the part of the game that the playful destiny create?Making you realize in the end that the person you thought that was destined for you wasn't really meant to stay. But only destined to you feel love and leave you when you've already fallen. Its not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave your love. Some might think its just an excuse, some may blame you, some may be mad at you. what they dont see is the fact that it hurts you even more to hurt someone who deserve to be hurt, especially  when you can't actually state the reason why you have to leave. You can never owned somethng that was never yours, so let's just stop gripping on thing we expect to last forever. Nothing last forever, forever is a lie.Everything is transitory. So while you have something in your hand, put in mind that its just borrowed, so that  someday when its gone it wont take eternity just to let it go. When your feeling gets strong for someone its always wise to stop for a while and give you heart - a time to breath, a time to use our mind, to weigh the situation, based on reason not on emotion, because the saddest thing that can happen is when one fall in love, while the other want nothing, more than friendship. Love can sometimes be magic, but magic can be an illusion. There are times when i wish that i was limited to certain emotion, so that i'll never have experience pain, never feel betrayed or disappointed and never get fragile heart broken. But the same means that i'll never know how it feels to be loved and be love in return. The thought of it kinda scares me to have a heart that's whole but numb or a heart that's broken but real.  Someday, we'll all be looking back to those days that we learned to love, get hurt, cry and fight. maybe when the time comes, we'll all be laughing at our old dumb selves, realizing how stupid we were to stand up for things, we knew we weren't really meant for us. But i guess, learning takes time. and mistakes makes our journey fun.

There is something i was able to say
The words from my heart that i panfully bear
The unreasonable sadness that reigns inside me
So just let me express this feelings freely.

Your abscence left me wounded
Your neglegence makes me feel unwanted
It wasn't supposed for me to feel
The fear inside me that your love is slowly disappeared.

Certain mixed emotion reigns in my heart
Do i deserve someone who makes me tear apart?
And everytime i push myself to love im more
He'll just take in it for granted and i feel ignored.

"TENDERLY"

As I secretly stared at you
I wonder how happy i am when im with you
It took me for a while to think how did it happen?
That i have you, every now and then.

My tears keep fallin' without any reason
Havin' you right here is not beyond my control
It came to my mind that makes me feel so afraid
That i really really love you and it wouldn't fade.

Coz i know destiny can't be drawn
And our future wasn't  shown
But as long as i have you now baby...
I'll promised to love you tenderly...

"DO I HAVE TO?"

 Do i have to say that i care for you?
Even its too clear that im always watching over you..
Protecting you and making you feel alright
Trying to be near you and always stayong by your side.

Do I have to say that I need you?
To make me feel that your love was true
Spending each moment with you is another memory that i'll cherished
So let's make another memory that we wouldn't missed.

Do I have to say that I miss you?
Though I am always there around you
But my heart feel so cold when were far away
And everytime you go, Im always wishing for you to stay.

Do I have to say that I love you?
Will you notice that feeling when im with or without you?
Keeping you here in my mind, my heart and my soul..
Is another reason why I feel complete and whole.

-between happiness and sadness-

I feel so speechless when youre around
And all i can do is to get my feet back on the ground
Though there's so much words which i really wanted to say
But i can't make it up to you
I can't make it up that way.

I looked at you without you even notice
That everything about you is all i really miss
But i have nothing to do, is just to stare at you
Imagining myself that im beside you.

I really wanted to be always near at you
Coz i feel everything is fine when im with you
And as everytime you turn your back and say goodbye,
I wanted to hold your hand and stay with me..
Coz i know i will miss you again so badly.

to him: from me

The morning breeze joins me as i sit in the corner
Where i can feel the emptiness so i so i stare ang wonder
As i watch you sleeping a far from me that keeps me wondrin'
With a tricky question, whom you are dreaming?

I fall for you so fast and i know it won't last
Coz we both know that the world is against us.
But loving you secretly is the hardest thing to do
Coz in the way you stare at me, i really wanted to hug you.

Hug you like there's no envy around us,
Kiss you like there's no fear inside us,
Show the feelings that hids behind us...
The love and respect which sticks between us.

"PANTASYA"

Sa sarili kong mundo, nabubuo ang pantasya ko
Na makapiling kita't hawak ang kamay mo.
Magkasamang masaya, limot ang problema
Tila walang pagsidlan ng saya ang nadarama.

Tanaw nating dalawa ang ganda ng paligid
Sabay nating natatanaw ang mga bituin sa langit
Ngunit ng namulat ako sa katotohanan
Na ikaw'y hindi na magiging akin at hanggang panaginip nalang.

Pinilit kong ilayo ang loob ko sayo
Upang limutin ang damdaming nabuo sa puso ko
Pero habang ako'y lumalayo, mas lalong nasasaktan itong damdamin ko
Kaya puso ko'y nagpasya sa ikapapanatag ng isip ko't gunita
Kahit masakit na ikaw'y hindi magiging akin,
Mamahalin nalang kita ng palihim.

"IM AFRAID"

Im afraid when youre talking to someone
Sharing those interest and thoughts with each other
Im afraid you're getting to know her better
And forget me as your lover.

Im afraid everytime i missed you
It makes me weak coz im thinking of you
Im afraid everytime im lonely
Coz maybe your with somebody.

Im afraid when you said you love me
Coz its so hard to believe that you really love her than me
Im afraid when im with you
Coz maybe your thinking somebody new.

Im afraid everytime you said goodbye
Coz maybe i cant see again your beautiful smile
Im afraid if i hear that word "its over"
Coz i can't live life without you forever.

midnyt note

Before he used to ask me out. He used to try to make things work out between us,
He used to make those sad things into a funny one, he used to let me go through the pain i felt and reminds me that's what life is..
He used to make phone calls even at work or late at night,
He used to call the name that " nobody compares"
He used to make those blue and weary days into colorful one..
He used to be my idealman..But there's one thing that tears me apart.
For it used to happen before not now anymore..

Sometimes my heart and my mind whisper that i must let go of him.
To fight against the sad emotions that having him forever is impossible.
Accepting the truth that, i can't have him..
But something's holding me back..
Its the final hope that maybe someday he turns his back and love me more than i dyingly love him..

"MY SONG"

This is my song,
The song which i wanted you to sing
The melody's and the words from my heart
which i wanted you to hear.
Let me show my deepest emotions
through every words and thoughts of this song,
Coz this is the song, which i want you to sing

Remember the first time we said "hello"
The sweet glance with smile that make us glow
As i hear you taalking then you catch me staring
Oh how i wish there is no ending

Remember the first time you walked with me
Barefooted in the shore, felt the breeze from the sea.
It makes it so much sweeter as we bothed looked in the sky
Twinkling stars and the moon which sents us smile.
The footprints in the sand that both of us made
How i wish that it won't fade

Remember the first time you said you love me
It caused me too much happiness, i feel like crazy
Making it hard to understand what i truly feel
 For in my heart i know, that this love is for real

Remember the first time you said goodbye
Coz you thought its not working and everything was a lie
So you walked, dropped me off and left me crying..
As i stood behind you without you knowing
That my heart is slowly dying..

So as i end up my song
The song which i wanted you to sing
Sing it without a falling tear
Coz I don't really want you to feel
The deep sadness behind this song,
the song which i wanted you to sing.

LONG DISTANCE

I wish that one one day i can be able to hold your hand. To walk along beside you and make footprints in the sand. To be able to hold you so tight. That i won't let you go. So that you know how much  i need you so. Iwish i was able to say that I LOVE YOU while looking in your eyes. To forget about out problem and forget  how time flies. To feel the beating of our hearts as you hold me tightly in your arms keeping me warm through the night  and protecting me away from harm. But your miles and miles away. And we didn't met even only once in my dreams. I always say that we'll meet somehow and someway, creating memories of you and me..Together.. Like we should be in a world without misery, living in a moment happily. As we were always meant to be in this world of just you and me. My only wish is that i can fly with you high in the sky as we look eye to eye. The only words that  i can say are words that i feel everyday. Hoping and praying that one day.. I'll have the moment to finally say that I LOVE YOU and there's nothing that anyone can do. Because i have fallen and this feelings i have is true. I promise..

"SALAMAT"

Mundo ko noon ay napakalungkot
Puso ko'y nabalot ng matinding takot
Ngunit ng ikaw"y aking makilala,
Pananaw ko sa buhay ay muling nag- iba.

Binigyan mo ng tinig ang damdamin kong nakakubli
Araw kong may lungkot, nilagyan mo ng ngiti
Pinawi mo ang sugat ng nakaraan
Kaya hayaan mong suklian ko ang 'yong pagmamahal.

Salamat at ikaw'y aking nakilala
At sana kabutihan at pagmamahal mo'y di mag iiba
Tanging hiling ko sayo aking sinta
Ingatan ang puso kong sayong sayo na

Nais kong malaman mo, ikaw ang may ari nito
Nitong puso kong sabik sayo
Dahil alam kong sayo lamang liligaya
Itong puso kong nabihag mo na.

"A BIT OF HOPE"

The dreams and the fantasies i've made of a perfect and ideal guy seems endless, though yet i know its only a bad dream. I remembered you were there smiling infront of me. that sweet smile that i thought, i wouldn't barter for anything else. Yes it was real!my feelings for you was for real! I shall never forget your name, it has been engraved in the inner core of my heart, my mind and my soul. It was then i've realized that you were the one i've waited for so long. But it incure pain in my heart to know that you will not love me, because they say, you don't deserve somebody like me. I cared a whole damn lot about you but i no longer expect that you will not love me in return. In my heart, there is a tinged of hope, becoz i know that there is God who's ready to listen and to hear me. I wish i was there beside you, sharing to you all of my deepest feelings. If you only knew i couldn't count the tears i've shared for you every night. If you only knew how i suffered a lot. The anguish i feel and the resentment a gathered in knowing that you just didn't care if i even exist or not. I guess, i deserve to be happy, though i didn't expect it to get it from you. For years you unknowingly hurt me. but who is to blame? Certainly not you. I always respected you defended you against all odds, i trusted you and love you right from the start. Maybe its wrong for me to say I LOVE YOU,,but i don't regret those feelings of mine. Now after all the hurting, im tired of loving you. Im letting you go out of my mind and heart. Its time to face a new life. Im no longer the fool that you once met. So go on with your way and i'll go on mine. I just hope that one day,only a bit of hope remains that our paths would cross again

"Revelations"

I felt something that even myself didn't know why.
I've ended up my days with nothing.Nothing to say, nothing to do
I dont even know why i should exist..Abandoned...Alone...Neglected..Alone..Trash..
But is there someone who knows exactly what i feel? is there someone who can understand?
No one else know how it feels when someone turns you down.
No one else know how it sucks to  be me right now. Each step brought me into the place of nowhere.
As i waste every tear, evrytime i looked forward into the reality that i have nothing.
Too useless to stay..Too hard to quit..Is there enough reason for me to hold on?
My mind is stuck inside my heart..Wise decisions tears me apart.
For i am too deaf to listen.
Too blind to see.
Too paranoid to feel..
Coz that there's no other person lonelier than me.

"Taken for granted"

There is something i was able to say
The words from my heart that i painfully bear
The unreasonable scar that reigns inside me
So just let me express this heavy feelings freely.

Your abscence left me wounded.
Your neglegence makes me feel unwanted
It wasnt supposed for me to feel
The fear inside that your love is slowly disappeared.

Certain mixed emotions reigns in my heart
Do i deserve someone who makes me tear apart?
And everytime i push myself to love you more
You'll just take in it for granted and i feel ignored.

"Farewell letter"

       We have so many memories that we both shared. Between those days that we've created beautiful or even sad moments still treasured on my mind. But for now, i decided to throw away all those things that reminds me of you. They said, "If you love someone unreasonably, you cant also find reasonable ways in how to forget that someone.." But for me, i've created reasonable ways on how i have to forget you.
       You hurt me... You back stabbed me..You murdered my heart.. You've brain washed my head. You make me blind. And left me paralized. Now, im healing. healing on my own. Im doing my best just to fix those things that you broke.You no longer the reason of my hapiness since you left on that door. Since you said goodbye,since you gave me proofs that you don't deserve my love. The point is you lost me..
       And its kinda hurt for i've shared my whole life with you. I've wasted my time, my effort, patience, love for a person who didnt deserve it. You dont deserve it coz if you do, you wont find enough reason to hurt me. You wont have he guts to look for someone which is opposite to my personality. You had me.. I had you..Yet you let me go.
       Dont worry, coz for the mmoment you left me, ive forgive you already. ive forgave those people behind your lies. Though you never really stated the reason why you left me. but its ok,. Youre not meant for me. As the bible said," If you lose someone, maybe god need him." and thats the reason,the main reason why i should let you go.
      You deserve someone. someone who requires youre standards. And i also deserve someone much better than you. But one thing i know thats for sure. Ive let you go without asking reasons for i know that its kinda worth sacrificing. Though ive told you before that your worth fighting for, but fighting without valid reason is a stupid thing for me. If youre the one who pushes me away from you.
      Ive let you go with a peace of mind. Bury the memories that we left behind..Though ive learned something from you but i know you've learned much more from me. And that's my purpose why i came into your life.To make something changes.. To create smile..For you to realize that once  in your life..Kyndra leaves you an unerasable mark in your heart and in your mind. 

"Tear here"

As the days passes by
i've already convince myself that everything about us was just a lie
a lie which i thought was a solemn truth
yet causes too much hatred that make me feel so rude.

Separating myself to you gives me pain
for im missing you every now and then
coz everything and everywhere i go reminds me so much of you
so that's the reality that its hard to let you go

I am now hanging between love and hatred
coz i dont want to leave you coz im hurting myself
but as the time passes by, pain pushes me now to hate you!
for you break my whole heart and tear it into two.

"Limot na ala ala"

Parang kailan lang nang aming tapusin
pagmamahalang namamagitan sa 'min
kahit ang sakit ay buong buo pa rin
pinipilit pa rin ng puso ko na limutin.

Ngunit ngayong sinisimulan ko na ang paglimot
sugat ng kahapo'y pilit na ginagamot
nariyan ka na naman at nagpaparamdam
na tila binabalik balik ang ating nakaraan.

Di pa ba sapat ang pagpapasakit sa 'kin?
pinapahirapan mo lang ang aking damdamin
lilimutin na sana kita, ngunit ngayo'y babalik ka
sasaktan na naman ako't iiwang nagdurusa.

Kaya di na hahayaang muli akong magpakatanga
sa tulad mong walang pakialam sa damdamin ng iba
kahit pagtingin ko sayo'y di pa nabubura
ngunit para sa 'kin, iisa ka ng limot na ala ala.

"Hintay"

Bakit ko pa sya iniisip?
Bakit ko pa sya hinihintay?
Bakit pa 'ko nangungulila sa haplos ng kanyang mga kamay?
gayong alam ko nang tapos na sa 'min ang lahat...
pamamaalam ba nami'y di pa ba sapat?

Sumasagi pa rin sa isip ko, mga alaalang aming nabuo.
ala alang isa isang gumuho sa puso't isipan ko..
pagkat alam kong hanggang doon nalang ang aming pagsasama,
na akala ko'y pang habambuhay na.

Pilit ko mang ngumiti at tanggapin ang lahat,
ngunit pagkukunwaring ito'y di pa pala sapat.
pagkat araw- araw, gabi-gabi ikaw'y akin pa ring hinihintay..
nang makita kang muli at mapawi ang lumbay.